


The King of Shit Mountain

by Missy



Category: My Name is Bruce (2007)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Naked Male Clothed Female, Outdoor Sex, Rescue, Singing, Skinny Dipping, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 09:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killing offended Chinese war Gods, as it turned out, was very dusty business.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The King of Shit Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Cottoncandy_Bingo: Prompt: Skinny Dipping

Killing offended Chinese war Gods, as it turned out, was very dusty business. Bruce tried to shake the coal dust out of his clothing, sprinkling the ground and the large heavy rocks around him in a rain of black and brown specks of dirt, but the rest clung to his skin. 

Jeff and Kelly were somewhere up the road, trying to fix the pick-up truck. It had flattened during their long flight from Guan Di – it turned out that Chinese war Gods were completely vulnerable to the Ford pick ups. Alone in the middle of the woods, and wanting a warm bath more than another hour of listening to Jeff and Kelly argue over the car, Bruce glanced out over the warm waters of Lake Wannahug with a jaundiced but considering eye. It was the middle of summer, and he needed to get clean. Who cared if he flashed a little beef to the stars and trees?

“Whelp,” he muttered to himself, “it’s not like I haven’t done this before.”

It took him two seconds to strip down and another to throw himself into the Lake – which proved to be unexpectedly cold. His muscles constricted from their recent use and from the chill water, the frigid atmosphere of it all making him gasp and gurgle as he kicked upward to the surface. “HELP!” he gargled, bobbing upward before the pull of the water sucked him back down again.

“Bruce?” he heard Kelly shouting at the head of the pathway.

He waved with his aching arm, the international “Don’t bring the kid!” he gurgled, then saw Kelly quickly strip down to her teeshirt and jeans before rushing to the shoreline and throwing herself into the water.

He felt her skinny arm hook around his adam’s apple and the sudden, abrupt pull of her paddling feet. Bruce did nothing but float – his body ached fiercely as Kelly hauled him onto the ground and dumped him at her feet.

She had grace enough to allow Bruce a moment of shame. He recovered in degrees, but his body still ached when he tilted his head toward her. “Thanks.”

Kelly tucked her hands to the folds of her hips and glanced downward before quickly locked eyes with Bruce. “Why are you naked?”

“Wet clothes weigh you down,” he replied. He gave her a crooked smile. “S’matter, you don’t like what you see?”

She glanced at his dick – directly at it, but his cramped muscles and the chilly water weren’t doing him any favors. “It’s a penis,” she replied. “Believe me, I’ve seen them before.”

“Ouch,” he replied. Grabbing her hand, he managed a decent judo throw that resulted in her falling to the ground and into the safety of his arms. 

“Bruce!”

“Your smile’s upside down. And as the king of shit mountain, it’s my duty to change that up.”

Kelly rolled her eyes. “Oh dear God…”

“C’mon. Gimmie sugar.” She laughed uncontrollably against his mouth, which made Bruce take on a fresh tactic. He pulled her to her feet and swept her into a clownish waltz. “Kelly, Kelly, Kelly,” he chanted, kissing her earlobe. Then he tried to sing. “Kelly, you are my sunshine.”

“Are you trying to woo me by quoting Woody Boyd?”

“Why not? ‘S’no weirder than anything I tried before.” He bit her earlobe. “Kelly Kelly Kelly…”

She pressed her index finger to his lips. “Bruce. Please don’t sing,” she said, nipping his neck in kind.

“Okay,” he laughed gustily. “Just promise me you won’t ask me to fake it.”

She groaned and yanked him into the privacy of the pine barren beside the lake.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> This work of fanfiction uses characters from My Name Is Bruce, which is the property of Bruce Campbell Limited/Dark Horse. Infringement for monetary gain has not occurred, and this is a work of fanfiction intended for nonprofit use only.


End file.
